If you’re in your youth right now then the term that I am going to bring up is going to be one that you are very used to hearing in the dating sphere: league. League or ‘aukaad’ as we call it, is a term that has been coined by society to let you know who looks and yes this is only based on looks, as good as you. If the level of attractiveness is the same, they are in the same league as you are. If they look better than you, then they are out of your league. If you look better than them, then you are out of their league.
This is how this superficial and stupid concept goes: aiming for someone in your league is okay. Aiming for someone below your league means you are settling and aiming for someone out of your league means you’re too ambitious for your own good. This is the story of when I aimed for someone ‘out of my league.’
The story began in a gym, and as I now know no good comes out of getting involved with someone from your gym. I thought he was one of the most attractive people that I had ever come across in real life and I crushed on him from a distance, for a good few months. Even though I strongly detest the concept of ‘leagues’, somewhere deep down I knew that maybe this guy was a bit too good looking for me.
Eventually, he got to know that I had a crush on him and we got talking. It was going pretty great and the conversation was easy, when he finally asked me out. I could not believe that this was my life and that all this was happening to me. I said yes and we made plans to go out the next week.
I was on Cloud Nine and had put together a hundred different outfits to impress him. Finally, the day arrived and just as I was going to get ready for a shower, he called and canceled. I was shocked and slightly heartbroken, but I was also naive. I believed that it was a one-time thing and that he would surely show up the next time.
The next time never happened as he constantly played a game of canceling and rescheduling with me. Eventually, I summoned the guts to end it with him for once and then began the ‘what happened’ and ‘what if’ stage.
These are two highly dangerous stages to have after a prospective relationship ends. The what if's might just kill you if you let them. As for the what happened, I finally got an answer months later.
Turns out his friends had seen pictures of me and had not been impressed. Apparently, he was ‘way out of my league’ and he could do much better. They had even urged him to go and hit on some hotter girls who would be ‘in his league.’
This was when the what if’s made their reappearance:
What if I weighed ten kilograms lesser?
What if I didn’t have acne?
What if I had thinner legs?
What if my hair wasn’t frizzy?
Would it have worked out then?
That’s the thing about leagues though: they are built on extreme superficiality and if looks is all you are looking for, then you should keep looking. You surely aren’t going to find anything worth holding on to. Sure he looked great, had an incredible body. He could hold a good conversation even.
But;
He didn’t have a mind of his own. His friends made his decisions for him. He didn’t have the guts to go after what he wanted, he cared more about what people expected of him. He wasn’t honest, he wasn’t even that good a person.
Eventually, the correct what if's entered my mind:
What if I had entered into a relationship with this opinion-less human being?
What if I actually let myself love someone so superficial?
What if we had gone on a date and his boring personality put me to sleep?
What if I hadn’t experienced this: the single most educative experience of my life?
This one incident taught me so much that I would have never learned otherwise:
People are going to be terrible. They are going to judge you and say horrible things about you. That’s sadly just how they are. The only thing that we can do wrong is let their opinion actually even matter.
So the next time you start thinking of anyone in terms of leagues, do yourself a favor and stop. All you need in this world is to be truly happy with who you are. If you achieve this hard but totally worthy state of mind, no one else will ever affect you except yourself. No one else’s opinion will be able to touch you and you will be truly content. And instead of stupid superficial leagues, isn’t that what we all should really be aiming for?
Written by Sanaa Mehra
Avid reader who will read anything thrown her way (provided that its fiction), Grammar Nazi to the T and a Lover of anything made by Bollywood (I mean anything.) If you're feeling sentimental, here I am!
The story began in a gym, and as I now know no good comes out of getting involved with someone from your gym. I thought he was one of the most attractive people that I had ever come across in real life and I crushed on him from a distance, for a good few months. Even though I strongly detest the concept of ‘leagues’, somewhere deep down I knew that maybe this guy was a bit too good looking for me.
Eventually, he got to know that I had a crush on him and we got talking. It was going pretty great and the conversation was easy, when he finally asked me out. I could not believe that this was my life and that all this was happening to me. I said yes and we made plans to go out the next week.
I was on Cloud Nine and had put together a hundred different outfits to impress him. Finally, the day arrived and just as I was going to get ready for a shower, he called and canceled. I was shocked and slightly heartbroken, but I was also naive. I believed that it was a one-time thing and that he would surely show up the next time.
The next time never happened as he constantly played a game of canceling and rescheduling with me. Eventually, I summoned the guts to end it with him for once and then began the ‘what happened’ and ‘what if’ stage.
These are two highly dangerous stages to have after a prospective relationship ends. The what if's might just kill you if you let them. As for the what happened, I finally got an answer months later.
Turns out his friends had seen pictures of me and had not been impressed. Apparently, he was ‘way out of my league’ and he could do much better. They had even urged him to go and hit on some hotter girls who would be ‘in his league.’
This was when the what if’s made their reappearance:
What if I weighed ten kilograms lesser?
What if I didn’t have acne?
What if I had thinner legs?
What if my hair wasn’t frizzy?
Would it have worked out then?
That’s the thing about leagues though: they are built on extreme superficiality and if looks is all you are looking for, then you should keep looking. You surely aren’t going to find anything worth holding on to. Sure he looked great, had an incredible body. He could hold a good conversation even.
But;
He didn’t have a mind of his own. His friends made his decisions for him. He didn’t have the guts to go after what he wanted, he cared more about what people expected of him. He wasn’t honest, he wasn’t even that good a person.
Eventually, the correct what if's entered my mind:
What if I had entered into a relationship with this opinion-less human being?
What if I actually let myself love someone so superficial?
What if we had gone on a date and his boring personality put me to sleep?
What if I hadn’t experienced this: the single most educative experience of my life?
This one incident taught me so much that I would have never learned otherwise:
People are going to be terrible. They are going to judge you and say horrible things about you. That’s sadly just how they are. The only thing that we can do wrong is let their opinion actually even matter.
So the next time you start thinking of anyone in terms of leagues, do yourself a favor and stop. All you need in this world is to be truly happy with who you are. If you achieve this hard but totally worthy state of mind, no one else will ever affect you except yourself. No one else’s opinion will be able to touch you and you will be truly content. And instead of stupid superficial leagues, isn’t that what we all should really be aiming for?
Written by Sanaa Mehra
Avid reader who will read anything thrown her way (provided that its fiction), Grammar Nazi to the T and a Lover of anything made by Bollywood (I mean anything.) If you're feeling sentimental, here I am!