One Habit We All Need To Change

Oh no! Wait, reader! Before you pick up the ball and run with it (and I am labeled as the ‘international habits hater’, I humbly beg you to give me a chance. I am not questioning the worth of habits. And I completely believe Jack Hodge when he says, “Habits are important. Up to 90 percent of our everyday behaviour is based on habit. Nearly all of what we do each day, every day, is simply habit. ” All I am (trying) to say is that just that it is essential to have certain life-making habits (in order to succeed), it is absolutely essential to kill some life-breaking habits (or they will trap us into a whirlpool of misery). So, let’s come to this point of habits that are holding us down.

Why We Should Talk, but Not Gossip

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

- Eleanor Roosevelt

In today's world, it is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and say things that we might regret later. It is easy to ridicule others, talk behind their backs, make fun of them, and expect to get away with it. We might get a sense of satisfaction to have been able to let out our feelings. But, then what? Do we ever take a moment to introspect? Do we have any idea about the gravity of our actions? Life cannot always be all fun and play. And, underplaying our own negative behavior may prove harmful as we grow older and realize that what truly matters isn't what we ever thought it to be.

No one tells us the difference between carrying on an intellectual conversation and leading a gossip filled discussion. Hardly anyone advises us that gossiping can be detrimental to our well-being. We are seldom condemned when we gossip and rarely do we find someone who will prod us to lead an intellectual dialogue. Why? Because, somehow, somewhere, almost every one of us has been guilty of indulging in gossip at least once in our lives.

But, it's never too late to stop.

What exactly constitutes "gossip"? To talk badly about someone is in itself gossip. How many times do we find ourselves picking out others' faults? We forget that the person we are singling out is the one who had helped us innumerable times, who has not a single selfish bone in his body, and who would willingly admit his mistake if we talked to him about it. Yes, he may have made an error. But, why overlook all his noble qualities for that one flaw? Instead of confronting him and figuring out a way to correct any misunderstandings, we go ahead and speak poorly about him to the very next person we encounter.

Often, gossip manifests in things as small as observing another's choice of clothing or the way they walk, assessing their physical beauty as if we had a right to judge the creation of God, and whatnot! Again, no one keeps a check on what kind of discussions we indulge in. We don't have an angel who sits on our shoulder and warns us before we say something that doesn't reflect who we truly are - human. We are a product of our own thoughts and actions. Hence, it is we who are responsible for keeping ourselves in check and driving the conversation to a more positive topic. Why revel in talking about the shortcomings of others? Don't we have enough faults to take care of, ourselves?

It is the time we understand that we no longer live in a world where values and morals are imbibed in a child from the moment she is born. Outside influence, negativity portrayed through the media, and our own adverse experiences lead us to believe that no one is as good as they seem. We are constantly on the lookout to find where the other is lacking. But, tell me something. Don't you think the world would be a much better place if we focused on the positive, instead? Wouldn't it be a beautiful world out there? One where people strive to lift others up instead of aiming to pull them down? One where we naturally consider others as our brothers and sisters? One where we don't feel the need to belittle another to make ourselves seem better?

While you aim to love all and hate none, also remember to trust few. And, always keep in mind the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Who knows? Maybe your next conversation with your friends will take a turn for the best and instead of finding fault with the new professor's pedagogy, you will be encouraged to take pleasure in the efforts she is putting in and to approach her with your difficulties. After all, it's the small things that count and baby steps are all it takes.



Written by Priyanshi Sheth
"Namaste!" from a creative, Indian soul who aims to keep herself motivated as she writes, travels, photographs, and thereby, shares her knowledge.

What makes your neighbourhood AUNTIES gossip?

Not only on television but in real life, most people come across women also known as 'aunties' in their neighbourhood who like keeping themselves up to date about the happenings from door to door and an eagle-eye view of coming and going of persons in general. These women are a group strongly united by gossip and disapprovals. They are experts in giving the stink eye and the 'I am watching you' look. But have you ever wondered that maybe these annoying aunties are an important part of our community and are actually benefiting us?

India is a country where we all live like a big joint family. Neighbours are an important part of our lives and privacy is still a distant dream for many. Prying eyes and smirky looks are common. Women who are bound by their domestic walls come together and discuss people's lives, and simultaneously pass their judgements. Our neighbourhoods have strong gossip networks and rumors spread like wildfire. Where gossip may be considered a big evil by all, it is actually one of the most effective ways to reinforce correct behaviour.

In fact according to David Archard, a philosopher "Gossip exposes the wrongdoer to public shame or ridicule and consequently functions as a deterrent to such wrongdoing." And in actuality on numerous occasions, you do find yourself re-evaluating your actions in fear of becoming the local gossip topic.

But if these gossiping aunties reinforce correct and moral behaviour, why are they considered annoying and interfering? The answer lies in the core element of gossiping. The basis of a strong gossip network is the sharing of similar moral values and mannerisms. Therefore, if you do not fit into their paradigm, you risk becoming the topic of gossip and considered as an outsider of the community. India is still struggling with the wide and toppling generation gap and to be honest, most of our neighbourhood aunties just make our lives harder because of some book of outdated rules they have been taught to follow.

Believe it or not but the local gossip network or 'aunties' in our case, know more about of our lives than they let on. You can very well notice that in crime shows, local gossip helps the detectives long way to trace the life either of the victim or the suspect. A community surrounded by gossipers can apparently serve better than a CCTV camera in times of need. I also do not rule out the possibility that gossip can be harmful and bad. Too much involvement in gossip can lead to negative impacts as well. Gossip can also lead to complete distortion of a person's public image combined with blackmail purposes.

Another important fact to understand is that you absolutely cannot escape this phenomenon. We are social animals and apparently we have a need to belong. When you enter a community with its own set of rules and model of living, you have to adopt it. But looking ahead as we will be the educated future of this community with so many spoon-fed Western values, there is a huge possibility of us becoming gossipers with quite a different type of values and mannerisms but equally ridiculous in nature.

Written by Sanya K. Aitwani
Complicated thinker with a creative streak and perceptive outlook.