Why it is so Difficult to Move On?

Remember that time when you had a fight with your best friend/boyfriend/girlfriend? I’m pretty sure almost everyone has at least one such incident in the stock of their memories. The memory of that hurts, those times when your heart felt like it was breaking into pieces, when you felt like life wasn’t worth living anymore and you still had to put up a fake smile on your face, will stay on with you for a long time. Pope’s pretty much captured the essence of these moments in these lines:

“Repairs her smiles, awakens every grace,
And calls forth all the wonders of her face”

Enough about the emotions that you’re already familiar with, now let’s come to the core of the issue. Why? Why?Why? Why is it so difficult so difficult to move on? Why is impossible to hate that person, even after the absolute hell he/she has put you through? Well, I’m here to provide you an answer that at least some of you might be able to relate to.

Let’s start from the beginning. So, you  were quietly going about your life, when fate decided to change the course of your life. Or maybe there was a turmoil in your life when fate decided to intervene. The point here is that you met this person. How, where and why you met this person might be different in every case, but what is common is that you found yourself soothed by their company, or you found a person exactly like you or that person made life worth living. And suddenly, they became more than a face in the crowd. Hitherto, you were an outsider in their life, a person who looked at their story with detached eyes, but now you can’t stop yourself from getting involved. You start thinking about him/her, you start caring for him/her and you start worrying from him/her. So, in cases where you thought from your mind, you start thinking from your heart. And when the heart is involved, you might be a tad bit irrational and a lot more vulnerable. And that’s perfectly fine as long as the ocean is calm because thinking from your heart (being more vulnerable) means that you get more joy.

But this is just one side of the coin (the brighter side), and there are times when the coin flips over to the darker side, and you’re unable to flip it back into place (unless you probably have a time machine). One mistake, one misunderstanding, one tug and the whole necklace falls off. Endless arguments, infinite helplessness, and never-ending tears become a part of your life. It feels like a nightmare, one that goes one even after you wake up. The past and the future become blurred, and you’re trapped in the stormy present and you have no idea of what happened or what you’re going to do. And then you start wondering why it hurts so much.

I’ll tell you the answer.

This is because once you’ve started thinking from your heart, you just can’t go back to thinking from your mind. And because the heart is famous from often taking irrational decisions, you can’t bring yourself to stop caring, even if caring means watching your heart split into pieces. This is why, even after you work tirelessly to build a wall around your heart and one look, one photo, one book or one word makes those walls crumble. This is why, despite knowing the consequences, you would still repeat the process once more given the chance. This is why, no matter how much time passes, you just can’t stop wishing the best for some people.

But don’t worry, human. After all, it is said that the most beautiful smile is the one which makes its way through tears. Don’t worry, everything will be alright. Keep trying and trying and one day, maybe it won’t hurt so much and you might be able to smile through tears and say, “I’m fine”.



Written by Aneri Doshi
What makes my heart race? Books, Coffee and Rain